


You look like ass

by Flowers_and_gravestones



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Bisexual Character, Brooke is bi, Demisexual Character, Drug Abuse, Established Relationship, Everyone loves rich, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Homosexual Character, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jenna is ace, M/M, Michael has anxiety, Michael is gayyy, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Other, Pansexual Character, Pining, References to Depression, Rich has anxiety, Rich is bi, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character, chatfic, jake is pan, jeremy is bi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-11-19 06:34:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flowers_and_gravestones/pseuds/Flowers_and_gravestones
Summary: Chaos.





	1. micHAEL MELL I SWEAR TO GOD AND EVERYTHING HOLY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Trigger Warning if you havent read the tags!!
> 
> There are mentions of:   
> \- Anxiety, Anxiety disorders, and anxiety attacks  
> \- Depression  
> \- Suicidal thoughts, tendencies, and attempts  
> \- Drug/Substance abuse and recovery  
> \- Implied/referenced abuse  
> And other possibly triggering contents. Please be mindful of these things before you try reading this story, and stay safe!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> ~ Grave

**Peter Pan** _added_ **5 Feet Kick Ass, Gnarly Marley, Heere for food, Brookie Cookie, Drama Nerd, Chloe Val,** _and_ **Aced It** _to_ **University Losers.**

 

**Aced It:** love the new nickname Jake

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** isnt it great i thought of it myself

**Brookie Cookie:** sums him up p well, Rich, well done

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** thank

**Drama Nerd:**  I don't get it?

**Peter Pan:** Im pansexual

**Drama Nerd:**  Oh.

**Drama Nerd:** Oh!

**Drama Nerd:** That explains so much.

**Drama Nerd:** That's actually really clever, Rich, great job!

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** its really not but thanks

**Gnarly Marley:** does anyone know where Jeremy is?

**Chloe Val:** wtf did you lose him or smth

**Gnarly Marley:** actually yes

**Aced It:** how???

**Gnarly Marley:** we were leaving class and i had to talk to the teacher and i asked Jeremy to wait up for me but i guess he didnt hear because he just kept walking out of class and i figured hed just wait outside the class or realize i wasnt with him and double back

**Gnarly Marley:** he didnt 

**Gnarly Marley:** and now i dont know where he is

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** how do you even lose him

**Peter Pan:** yea he is like the epitome of awkward

**Peter Pan:** he shouldve run into someone and started apologizing profusely way too loudly by now 

**Heere for food:** Literally fight me, jake

**Gnarly Marley:** JEREMY WHAT THE FUCK WHERE ARE YOU

**Heere for food:** I left class but I figured you were with me so I just headed towards that cafe on the other side of campus? The one with the really good cake pops? 

**Brookie Cookie:**  the Upgrade Cafe?

**Heere for food:** Yea that one

**Heere for food:** But uh I didnt get there

**Gnarly Marley:** what do you mean, you didnt get there???????

**Heere for food:** Uh this guy who looked like Keanu Reeves pulled me over into this alley and tried to sell me drugs?

**Heere for food:** he said they were from japan and could possibly give me a ton of mental problems but it would really improve my life?

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** duDE I HOPE YOU RAN SO FAST FROM HIM

**Chloe Val:** how do you even know who he's talking about?

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** that same guy tried to sell me those drugs in like freshman year

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** i had to go to start going to therapy bc of that dude

**Aced It:**  you accepted drugs from a strange Keanu Reeves look-alike in freshman year?

**5 Feet Kick Ass:**  ill tell you guys the full story later but like back then my anxiety and self-esteem were really bad and he took advantage of my emotional vulnerability at the time

**Peter Pan:** oh Chloe I wont be able to make it tomorrow

**Chloe Val:** What why?

**Peter Pan:** I have a Keanu Reeves look alike to find and murder

**Chloe Val:** lmao

**Chloe Val:** srsly tho you cant cancel i already have everything set up

**Aced It:** oh is this for The Thing?

**Peter Pan:** Yea its for The Thing

**Gnarly Marley:** do I even want to know??

**Aced It:** dont worry about it Mell.

**Gnarly Marley:** Alrighty then

 

* * *

 

**Heere for food:** micHAEL MELL I SWEAR TO GOD AND EVERYTHING HOLY

**Heere for food:** Im leaving you

**Gnarly Marley:** lmao I literally cant stop laughing, dear god

**Brookie Cookie:** I leave for two hours and suddenly JerMich has split up

**Peter Pan:** What is a JerMich it sounds disgusting

**Aced It:** I know what it is and I think its disgusting

**Brookie Cookie:** Ok how about YOU GUYS try to combine their fucking names and tell me how it works out

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** they already have a ship name tho

**Peter Pan:** Wait where the fuck did you come from I thought you went to bed?

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** never

**Brookie Cookie:** Wait, so what is their ship name?

**Heere for food:** what is going on?

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** its Boyf Riends

**Heere for food:** is tHAT BECAUSE OF THE SHIT YOU WROTE ON OUR BAGS IN SOPHMORE YEAR

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** absolutely

**Heere for food:** I despise you and everything you stand for, rich goranski

**Aced It:** didnt Michael get a patch made for his jacket of that?

**Gnarly Marley:** no never why would i do that 

**Gnarly Marley:** liES SLANDER I WOULD N E V E R

**Heere for food:** I am offended even more than earlier Mikey

**Heere for food:** W O W

 

**Heere for food** _is now_ **Boyf** _._

 

**Gnarly Marley** _is now_ **Riends** _._

 

**Drama Nerd:** You're welcome.

**Riends:** You come back after not saying anything since like 

**Riends:** 5 minutes after the chat formed

**Riends:** And this is how you treat me

**Riends:** I am offended, Christine

**Riends:** I thought we had something SPECIAL

**Drama Nerd:** Nah.

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** lmao savage

**Brookie Cookie:** Where is Chlo btw?

**Peter Pan:** Shes finishing setting up The Thing

**Drama Nerd:** What is "The Thing"? 

**Aced It:** Top Secret

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** jake tell me what The Thing is plz

**Peter Pan:** No can do, broskidoodle

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** ok but like,,,,,

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** will you tell me if i suck your dick or,,,,,,,

**Drama Nerd:** Richard Goranski! 

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** what

**Drama Nerd:** That is inappropriate!

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** but like,,,,, I wanna know what The Thing is,,,,,, so,,,,,

**Riends:**  Where did Jake go lmao

**Aced It:** hes dead.

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** what i wanna know is if hed tell me what The Thing is if i sucked his dick

**Peter Pan:** Im back Ive recovered 

**Peter Pan:** Rich go back to bed seriously youre weird when youre sleep-deprived

**Aced It:** translation: Yes Jake would tell Rich what The Thing is if Rich sucked his dick, because Jake is Weak

**Brookie Cookie:** The Overlord has spoken, her words are now fact

**Peter Pan:** Literally all of you can go die

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** :(

**Peter Pan:** Not you Rich youre my favorite

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** :)

**Aced It:** WEAK

**Boyf:** WEAK

**Riends:** WEAK

**Brookie Cookie:** WEAK

**Drama Nerd:** Jake, that was - in fact - very "WEAK" of you.

**Peter Pan:** I thought I could trust you, Christine

**Drama Nerd:** That was your first mistake.

**Boyf:** savage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope anyone who wastes their time readinf this enjoyed it, at least. 
> 
> I actually really enjoy writing this story, because I love chatfics and BMC, so if anyone else does, Ill feel extremely proud of myself.
> 
> The next chapter of this SHOULD be out by Wednesday, but Friday AT THE ABSOLUTE LATEST.
> 
> Should get out by Wednesday though because its already written, I just have to remember to publish it.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter and this story so far, and I will see you in the next one!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	2. The Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this at like 11:30pm on Tuesday bc I dont think Ill remember to tomorrow 
> 
> Hope any of the weirdos strange enough to read this enjoy!

**Chloe Val:** The Thing is now in action, go go GO

 **Peter Pan:** Im in position

 **Aced It:** as am I

 **Boyf:** Still confused but w/e

 **Peter Pan:** Shush Jeremy THIS IS VERY SERIOUS

 **Aced It:** target spotted. moving in towards Point A now

 **Peter Pan:** Affirmed I have the Target in my sights

 **Aced It:** TARGET HAS REACHED POINT A PHASE ONE IS A-GO

 **Peter Pan:** Subject has approached the Target

 **Peter Pan:** I repeat: Subject had approached the Target

 **Aced It:** The Gift has been offered, will the Target accept it?

 **Peter Pan:** the Target accepted the Gift! 

 **Aced It:** Phase Two is a-go!

 **Drama Nerd:** I don't quite understand what's going on.

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** i bribed Jenna, Chloe and Jakey D into giving a play-by-play of The Thing in the gc

 **Riends:** o rly ┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬

 **Riends:** What'd you bribe Jake with hmmmmm

 **Riends:** ( ͡°ω ͡°)

 **Boyf:** ( ͡°ω ͡°)

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** double stuf oreos

 **Riends:** (⌐▀͡ ̯ʖ▀)

 **Boyf:** ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** he wouldnt let me suck his dick ( ͡°³ ͡°)

 **Peter Pan:** Guys we are trying to run a VERY IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS OPERATION HERE

 **Aced It:** The Target and the Subject are proceeding to Point B

 **Peter Pan:** I am relocating to second position now

 **Aced It:** I am maintaining a watch on Target and Subject

 **Aced It:** they have reached Point B, I am relocating to third position now

 **Peter Pan:** Everything seems to be going smoothly so far

 **Aced It:** I have relocated to third position and I am maintaining surveillance on the Traget and the Subject

 **Peter Pan:** Affirmed

 **Peter Pan:** They seem to be finishing up the Gift

 **Peter Pan:** PHASE THREE IS READY TO BEGIN

 **Aced It:** TARGET AND SUBJECT ARE PROGRESSING SLOWLY TOWARDS POINT C I AM GOING TO ATTEMPT TO RELOCATE TO FIFTH POSITION 

 **Peter Pan:** AFFIRMED I WILL BE RELOCATING TO FOURTH POSITION SHORTLY

 **Aced It:** I have sights on them once more

 **Aced It:** wait

 **Aced It:** THE SUBJECT IS DIVERGING FROM THE PLAN

 **Aced It:** I REPEAT: THE SUBJECT IS DIVERGING FROM THE PLAN

 **Peter Pan:** IM SEEING THIS

 **Peter Pan:** IS SHE

 **Riend:** Is who what?

 **Aced It:** OH MY GOD

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** what happened

 **Aced It:** OH

 **Peter Pan:** MY

 **Aced It:** GODDDD

 **Drama Nerd:** What's going on?

 **Peter Pan:** PinkberryMotherfuckers.jpg

 **Boyf:** IS THAT

 **Riends:** OH MY DEAR LORD ABOVE 

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** IS THIS WHAT THE THING WAS

 **Drama Nerd:** You and Jenna helped Chloe set this up? 

 **Peter Pan:** Yep

 **Aced It:** I think were done here 

 **Aced It:** lets leave them to it

 **Peter Pan:** Righto

 

* * *

 

 

 **Chloe Val:** <3

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone who read this enjoyed! 
> 
> Next chapter should be out Saturday or Sunday, so I will see yall then!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	3. Jfc Jake cHILL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised a chapter by Saturday or Sunday, and I have delivered.
> 
> Hope yall enjoy this chapter, it was a lot of fun to write!
> 
> Also, this chapter feels a bit shorter than the others, but I promise to try to keep them at a pretty good length from now on.
> 
> ~ Grave <3

**Peter Pan:** So Chloe

 **Peter Pan:** Howd it go

 **Chloe Val** _is now_ **And Found** _._

 **Peter Pan:**  ???

 **Brookie Cookie** _is now_ **Lohst** _._

 **Peter Pan:**??

 **Peter Pan:** Wait

 **Peter Pan:** OHHHHH

 **Peter Pan:** Congrats gays

 

* * *

 

 

 **Boyf:** so yall know how I have that one professor who does not care about anything ever

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** yea

 **Aced It:** what'd he do this time?

 **Boyf:** ok so 

 **Boyf:** the professor is called Professor R bc no one can pronouce his last name bc its like "Rays" or some shit idfc

 **Boyf:** and he does not give one solitary shit about anything

 **Boyf:** and Dustin Kropp is in this class w/ me too right

 **Boyf:** and I sit like right behind him and his little group of friends so I always hear what they're talking about

 **Boyf:** and they have had this bet going since like two months ago about who can get away with the craziest shit in Professor R's class

 **Boyf:** SO TODAY

 **Boyf:** Dustin shows up to class lookin hella hot and hella smug

 **Riends:** wth jer

 **Boyf:** calm down I still love you

 **And Found:** ha gay

 **Boyf:** ANYWAY

 **Boyf:** so Dustin shows up to class looking super pleased with himself and his friends are all asking him like "whatre you so smug about" and that kinda thing

 **Boyf:** and he just keeps telling them "just wait"

 **Boyf:** and halfway through class

 **Boyf:** this fucking GANG OF PIZZA DELIVERY PEOPLE shows up

 **Boyf:** with

 **Boyf:** I KID YOU NOT

 **Boyf:** 20 LARGE PIZZAS

 **Boyf:** 15 BOXES OF CHEESY BREAD

 **Boyf:** 15 MORE BOXES OF BREADSTICKS

 **Boyf:** AND 10 TWO-LITER BOTTLES OF COCA COLA

 **Boyf:** and everyone is waiting in complete fucking silence as these people stand in the front of the room wondering whats going on 

 **Boyf:** and Professor R looks up

 **Boyf:** sees this group of like 6+ people

 **Boyf:** DOESNT EVEN GET UP OUT OF HIS CHAIR

 **Boyf:** and says "im not paying for all of this" 

 **Boyf:** AND JUST GOES BACK TO PLAYING ON HIS PHONE WITHOUT A FUCK TO GIVE

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** so what happened with the pizzas and shit

 **Boyf:** they ate them

 **Boyf:** they ate them all

 **Lohst:** Wait what

 **Boyf:** Dustin and his friends convinced some of the pizza delivery people to stay and eat and they distributed food and now its all gone except for three boxes of cheezy bread and a 2-liter of coke which I have claimed as my own

 **Drama Nerd:** This is all well and good, but some of us are in class right now, Jeremy.

 **Boyf:** sorry Chris

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** Jakey D and i are on our way to enjoy some cheezy bread we will see you in five

 **Riends:** when you get here dont worry about trying to sneak in Prof R does not give one single shit

 **Riends:** I walked in half of an hour ago and have been chilling since

 **Drama Nerd:** Ok, I swear to god if all of you don't shut up, I will come to your class right now and murder each and every one of you, slowly and without remorse.

 **Boyf:** right sorry

 

* * *

 

 

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** of course

 **Riends:** Im still laugjing my ass off

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** of course IM the one who gets in trouble

 **Aced It:** What happened

 **Boyf:** Rich and Jake came to my class to enjoy some soda and cheezy bread w/ Mikey and I

 **Boyf:** and Prof R didnt pay any mind to Jake

 **Boyf:** but IMMEDIATELY asks Rich what hes doing in this class and kicks him out

 **Lohst:** LMAO

 **Aced It:** Brilliant

 **5 Feet Kick Ass:** i still cant believe

 **Peter Pan:** My offer to fite Prof R still stands

 **And Found:** Jfc Jake cHILL

 **Peter Pan:** no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will (hopefully) be out by Wednesday! 
> 
> Hope anyone who read this enjoyed even if it was a bit shorter than the previous chapters. But, it is the first few chapters, so the story still has to do a bit of setting up before the plot gets kicked into full gear.
> 
> Bye!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	4. UPDATE AND APOLOGY

Ok. So. 

Hello everyone who may read this.

First off, I would like to sincerely apologize for missing the last two updates.

Wednesday, I actually didnt have anything prewritten and my work actually went way longer than I had planned and on top of that I ended getting pretty badly sick to the point where even looking at a screen made me nauseous so I wasnt able to update.

But, I was planning to just post two chapters/one super long chapter that Sunday to make up for it, but the universe evidentally did not enjoy that plan.

I was travelling up to another city on Friday, Saturday I had plans all day for Busch Gardens with my family, so neither day I couldnt prewrite a chapter.

My phone also broke, so I wasnt able to get onto the internet to write unless I had wifi, which I only had at the hotel. However, the wifi was incredibly slow and the only time we actually spent there was sleeping. 

Sunday, I actually went to a baby shower, then we had to drive back to town for almost 3 hours at about 7pm.

I got sick AGAIN on Friday, and am actually still sick as Im typing out this update, although I am now home from my trip.

So, tl;dr: I missed the updates because I was really sick and my phone broke and I was travelling and Im so sorry and I will try to get back into the swing of things by Wednesday.

Anyway. New chapter will hopefully be out by Wednesday, and I hope you all are understanding of my lame excuses for missing deadlines.

Bye!!

~ Grave


	5. Gayest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riends: Rich that was the gayest thing Ive ever heard you say
> 
> Lohst: Same
> 
> And Found: And thats coming from TWO of the THREE GAY PEOPLE YOU KNOW
> 
> Short and Pissed: Im just saying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it returns

**Aced It:**  Alright Im bored

**Peter Pan:** Sammmeee

**Boyf:** waddya guys wanna do?

**Aced It:** Idk

**Aced It:** Wanna play fmk?

**And Found:** guys it like 3am

**And Found:** But yeah Im down

**Lohst:** Saame

**Riends:** Im like half asleep but sure?

**Peter Pan:** Alrighty who wants to start

**Drama Nerd:** I'll do it.

**Boyf:** youre awake, Chris?

**Drama Nerd:** I've been blasting musical soundtracks in my headphones for the past four hours. 

**Aced It:** Alrighty then

**Drama Nerd:** Anyways, Chloe?

**And Found:** ye

**Drama Nerd:** Fuck Marry Kill: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner.

**And Found:** Hm

**And Found:** Actors or the Twilight characters?

**Drama Nerd:** The actors.

**And Found:** Uh kill Taylor

**Lohst:** But abs

**And Found:** Fuck Kristen

**And Found:** Marry Robert

**Riends:** I actually agree with those decisions

**Boyf:** same

**And Found:** Jake!

**Peter Pan:** mmmmhmmmmm

**And Found:** fmk Alexander Hamilton, John Laurens, Thomas Jefferson.

**Peter Pan:** Easy

**Peter Pan:** Kill Alex bc hes a dick

**Aced It:** Preach

**Peter Pan:** Fuck Thomas bc Daveed Diggs is 11/10

**Drama Nerd:** True.

**Peter Pan:** And marry Laurens bc hes too sweet 

**Lohst:** same

**Boyf:** honestly

**Peter Pan:** Shit

**Drama Nerd:** What's wrong?

**Peter Pan:** I just took my headphones off for a second because I thought I heard something

**Peter Pan:** It was Rich's ringer on full volume

**Lohst:** RIP

**Peter Pan:** Hes gonna be so mad IM SO DEAD

**Boyf:** Jut sneak into his room and turn his ringer off

**Aced It:** Yea he probably wont notice

**Peter Pan:** Cant 

**Riends:** Why not???

**Peter Pan:** He has an early morning class later and I dont want him to miss his alarm bc of me

**And Found:** ha gay

**Peter Pan:** Plus I think hes already woken up

**Peter Pan:** brb loCKING MY DOOR

**5 Feet Kick Ass:** Jakey D turn on your location i just wanna talk

**Aced It:** Im screenshotting this just in case Jake dies so we have Evidence

**Peter Pan:** GUYS HELP I THINK HES TRYING TO PICK THE LOCK

**Lohst:** Rest

**And Found:** In

**Drama Nerd:** Peace

**Peter Pan:** Wow guys that was so useful thanks

**Boyf:** ok ok Ill actually help

**Peter Pan:** Thank god Jeremy youre a lifesaver

 

**5 Feet Kick Ass** _is now_ **Short and Pissed.**

 

**Peter Pan:** Jeremiah Heere you piece of shitjaahrjdnsbsujfgsj

**Riends:** Did he just die

**Aced It:** uhh

**Lohst:** Jake?

**Peter Pan:** fuck off all of you

**Boyf:**....

**And Found:** Is that Rich?

**Peter Pan:** yes now all of you fuck off im trying to FUCKING SLEEP

**Drama Nerd:** Alright, alright.

**Drama Nerd:** We'll stop messaging the groupchat.

**Peter Pan:** thank you

**Drama Nerd:** Now, everyone go to sleep. We all have classes later today.

**Riends:** LAME

**Boyf:** LAME

**Drama Nerd:** Do you two really wanna do this right now?

**Boyf:** no

**Drama Nerd:** That's what I thought. Good night everyone.

**Peter Pan:** Night (PS Got my phone back)

**Lohst:** Sweet dreams!

**Boyf:** dont die, guys.

**Riends:** Gnight

**And Found:** ily guys gnight

**Short and Pissed:** GOOD FUCKING NIGHT

 

* * *

**Peter Pan:** do you ever just regret

**Short and Pissed:** _Did you mean:_ _ me when i woke up at 6am this morning to go attend a 3hour class _ _?_

**Aced It:** ^^^ quality memes right there

**Short and Pissed:** Thank 

**Peter Pan:** I meant forgetting Rich takes a 6-9am class and continuing to text you guys like I expected him to go back to sleep 

**Riends:** To be fair we didnt know he had an early class

**Lohst:** Yeah

**Peter Pan:** Im willing to buy one of you guys lunch if you can manage to entertain me

**Short and Pissed:** oh i can keep you entertained ;)

**Riends:** Rich that was the gayest thing Ive ever heard you say

**Lohst:** Same

**And Found:** And thats coming from TWO of the THREE GAY PEOPLE YOU KNOW

**Short and Pissed:** Im just saying

**Peter Pan:**

**Peter Pan:** Im turning my phone off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope anyone who decided to read this enjoyed! 
> 
> Im not gonna try to promise an episode by any specific time, because Im terrible with dealines and I cant stick with them to any extent.
> 
> Ill see you in the next chapter! 
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	6. Bucky Barnes is a godsend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter Pan: I just have a lot of feelings about Bucky Barnes and Steve Rodgers okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than I wanted it to, but its done! I hope anyone who reads it enjoys!!!
> 
> ~ Grave

**Peter Pan:** Did I ever tell you guys about our Lord and Saviour

 **Peter Pan:** James Buchanan Barnes

 **And Found:** Sude I fuckin LOVE BUCKY BARNES

 **Peter Pan:** Hes just 

 **Peter Pan:** I just have a lot of feelings about Bucky Barnes and Steve Rodgers okay

 **And Found:** Accurate

 **Riends:** Why the sudden mention of the Saddest Trash Hobo in Romania

 **Short and Pissed:** because he is our Lord and Saviour werent you listening michael

 **Riends:** I mean yea same

 **Riends:** but that was literally out of absolutely nowhere

 **Peter Pan:** I was trolling the internet like a nerd and I found a bunch of Bucky and/or Stucky headcanons and AUs and shit and I was reminded of how much I love my Sad Trash Hobo Son and his Patriotic Bisexual Boyfriend

 **Short and Pissed:** one of my favorites was the one where Steve tells Bucky that he finds it really hot when Bucky speaks in russian so Bucky starts kissing him all over his face and neck whispering in a really deep voice in russian and then Natasha shows up and #exposes Bucky for asking Steve to marry him and basically spilling his heart out to Stevie in another language 

 **Riends:** Were you both trolling the internet??

 **Short and Pissed:** yes

 **Peter Pan:** Its just easier than showing eachother the shit we find every five minutes

 **Short and Pissed:** ye

 **Riends:** Fair enough

 **And Found:** My fave hc is that Bucky constantly calls Steve "Babydoll" no matter what

 **Peter Pan:** Ok but consider: Bucky as a young, very famous singer in Modern Day, and Steve as his new bodyguard

 **And Found:** Highschool AU- Pastel Nerd!Bucky, Punk!Steve

 **Short and Pissed:** would Steve be looking like post or pre-serum tho

 **Riends:** Oh my GOD tiny little Punk!Steve with Asthma always getting into fights with jocks 

 **Peter Pan:** What if Bucky and Steve meet because Bucky stumbles upon the place where Steve is getting his ass beat up and saves him from the jocks 

 **And Found:** Steve getting all mad because he "had him on the ropes" 

 **Short and Pissed:** and Bucky telling him "i know" really shyly and fidgeting with his bag

 **Peter Pan:** This conversation has made my day

 **And Found:** tbh

 **Riends:** Saaame

 **Short and Pissed:** ok guys imma bout to hit ya with a Controversial AU

 **Peter Pan:** Oh no is this The One

 **Short and Pissed:** yes

 **Riends:** Whats "The One"

 **Short and Pissed:** you guys know what Superfamily is right

 **Riends:** Yea

 **And Found:** Mhm

 **Short and Pissed:** ok so basically everyone moves into Stark Towers (Bruce, Wanda, Vision, T'challa, Sam, Clint, Natasha, Fandral, Loki, Thor, Steve, and Bucky) 

 **Short and Pissed:** and Stark decides to adopt Spidey bc he really likes him and wants to

 **Short and Pissed:** so he goes to Aunt May and she tells him she wont let him adopt Peter unless he has someone else co-sign the papers 

 **Short and Pissed:** he doesnt call Pepper bc thatd be a little weird so he does the next best thing and calls his No. 1 Science Bro Bruce 

 **Short and Pissed:** and he asks him to cosign and Bruce is like whatever and they go and adopt Peter and go through that whole process

 **Short and Pissed:** eventually Peter moves in and everyone is so happy and he gets this big empty bedroom that everyone helps him decorate and make his own, hes so HAPPY

 **Short and Pissed:** Steve takes on this "older brother" role, and so does Sam and Clint and Natasha and Wanda become these "older sisters" figures

 **Short and Pissed:** and its just an amazing AU honestly

 **Riends:** That was truly beautiful

 **And Found:** ROA Rich ROA

 **Short and Pissed:** thank

 **Peter Pan:** Bucky Barnes is a godsend

 

 **Peter Pan** _is now_ **Steve Rodgers** **.**

 **Short and Pissed** _is now_ **Bucky Barnes.**

 

 **Boyf:** you're welcome, guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took forever writing this one, but on the plus side I got a new phone! 
> 
> So I might be able to work on this more often!!! 
> 
> Hope everyone and anyone who read this enjoyed it, because I put a surprising amount of effort into it. 
> 
> BTW, did anyone catch the hint I dropped regarding a story I might do in the future? ;))))
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	7. The Coraline Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rogers: I think youre right Chris
> 
> Drama Nerd: Obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is finally here!
> 
> I know this one is A LOT shorter than my usual ones, but its kinda necessary for the rest of the story, so :/
> 
> Hope yall enjoy!
> 
> ~ Grave

**Steve Rogers** _added_ **Drama Nerd** _to_ **Christine Help Me Please** _._

 **Steve Rogers:** Christine I require assistance 

 **Drama Nerd:** Jake, It's almost 1am?

 **Steve Rogers:** I know I just really need some advice right now and Rich is usually my go-to but I feel like you can help me more than he can right now

 **Drama Nerd:** Why? Did something happen?

 **Steve Rogers:** Well Rich is kinda the reason I need advice in the first place...

 **Steve Rogers:** And YES something happened

 **Drama Nerd:** What happened?

 **Steve Rogers:** So

 

~ A few hours ago ~

 

     Two figures stood in the middle of a small college dorm room, illuminated only by the light of a dim TV screen. A bowl of popcorn, a 12-pack of Pepsi's, and a big fluffly blanket sat abandoned on the coffee table - forgotten completely by the residents. 

     "No, Jake! Why are you  _always_ like this? For once in your goddamn life just listen to me!" The taller of the two glowered at the shorter as he shouted, before opening his mouth to retort.

     "I dolisten to you, Rich!  _All I ever dois listen_! You're constantly complaining and whining about not getting your way when in reality,  _I'm_ the one sacraficing my interests and oppurtunities to cater to  _you!_ " Jake pushed Rich, who stumbled back a few steps before catching himself. 

     "You know what, fine! You win!" Rich flopped angrily down onto the couch and pulled a soda out of the box. Jake - evidently pleaseed with himself - picked up the TV remote and clicked a few times. As the movie started, he grabbed the blanket and joined the other on the couch. 

     "I dont know why you're so opposed to watching  _Coraline_ , dude. Its a children's movie. Its not even that scary." 

     "This movie is  _terrifying_! It gave me nightmares for months when I was a kid," Rich huffed, pulling a portion of the blanket towards him and taking a sip of his soda.

     "You dont have to worry; Im here. Ill protect you from any demonic spider mothers who want to sew buttons in place of your eyes." Jake shifted slightly closer to his friend and then grabbed the bowl of popcorn. 

      Throughout the movie, Rich continuously got closer to Jake. Whenever something scared him, he would reach out and grab Jake's arm in a death hold until he wasnt scared anymore. Rich was surprisingly strong for his size, but Jake refused to complain - he didnt mind having Rich cling to him for comfort.

     Eventually, Jake pulled his arm out of Rich's grip and wrapped it around his shoulders instead, "Easier this way," he offered when Rich looked at him in confusion.

     For a brief moment, Jake was afraid he had gone too far - that Rich would shake him off and move away - but he didnt. Instead, Rich snuggled into Jake's chest and continued watching the movie.

     When the Other World mother finally transformed into the demonic spider monster and chased Coraline, Rich whimpered and buried his face into Jake. 

     "Hey, hey," Jake whispered soothingly, shaking Rich lightly until he finally met his gaze. "You're alright. I'm here; I'll protect you. It's just a movie..." Jake's sentence trailed off as he finally noticed the rapid glances between his lips and his eyes. 

    Before Jake xould properly comprehend what was happening, Rich was leaning up and he was leaning down to meet him and --  _oh my god hes kissing me Rich is kissing me Rich Goranski is kissing me dEAR GOD._

    Jake only realized he wasnt reciprocating the kiss when Rich pulled back slightly, and he leant forward and kissed back sweetly but determinedly. 

    For a long while, they stayed like that - kissing slowly and deeply on their dorm couch while a kid's movie played through on the dim tv. They only stopped when the credits finally came to an end, and Rich pulled away slowly. 

    Jake opened his eyes and met Rich's stare and neither said anything for a minute. Jake was considering leaning back in for another kiss, becore Rich spoke up.

     "I still fucking hate that goddamn movie, Dillinger." 

    Jake sat silent for a second, then the pair erupted in roarous laughter. They kept laughing, just enjoying their company, until Rich calmed down enough to excuse himself to go get ready for bed. 

    The taller of the two sat there on the couch in silence for a while, mind reeling and senses muddled, because  _Rich Goranski_ kissed  _HIM_ and he didnt seem to regret it. 

    "Shit," Jake ran a hand over his face, suddenly tired, "I'm so fucked."

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

 **Steve Rogers:** What do I do, Chris??

 **Drama Nerd:** You really like him, Jake?

 **Steve Rogers:** Absolutely

 **Drama Nerd:** Tell him. Obviosuly he has some kind of feelings towards you if he kissed you completely unprecedented. Take a goddamn chance, Jake!

 **Steve Rogers:** I think you're right, Chris

 **Drama Nerd:** Obviously.

 **Steve Rogers:** Thanks for listening and all that shit, Chris

 **Drama Nerd:** Not a problem, Jake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a lot of fun to write! 
> 
> Its a lot shorter than my last ones but its necessary so...
> 
> Hope anyone who read this enjoyed it, and Ill see you guys in the next chapter!
> 
> Bye!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	8. Jake makes sandwiches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long time coming and I am sorry it tooks so long!!! 
> 
> I am just stressed from school but I promise to try to update more frequently.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!!!
> 
> ~ Grave

**Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bz-**

"Hello?" Jake answers his phone, making some sandwiches for his and Rich's lunch.

     "Ja...jake?" Rich's voice is shaking; he's been crying. Possibly hyperventilating. Immediately, the hair on the back of Jake's neck stands up.

     "Rich? Whats wrong? Are you alright? Did someone try to hurt you?" Jake has abandoned the food, instead trying to find his letterman jacket.

     "Pan....panic attack..." He finds his jacket, pulling it on as he leaves his room. He stares at Rich's door for a second before heading inside. Jake immediately grabs Rich's anxiety pills off the dresser, and a thin sweater off his bed. Then, he goes to the front door, shuts it, and locks it behind him while he tries to keep his best friend as calm as possible.

     "Hey, hey, just remember your breathing exercises. 7 in, hold for 4, out for 8. Alright? Ill count for you," Jake spams the button for the elevator until the doors open and he finally steps inside. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Hold it. Two. Three. Four. Now, out. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Do it again, Richie."

      Jake listens closely as Rich repeats his breathing over and over, until the elevator doors open and Rich's breathing is slightly more level. 

     "Jake...I'm be....behind the 7/11 near the F Building." 

     "Okay, Rich. I'm on my way, don't worry. Just keep doing your breathing and  _don't move_." Jake jogs in the direction of Rich" focusing moreso on his best friend's breathing than anything else around him. 

     He finally sees him after almost 10 minutes of nonstop jogging. The blonde is sat against the wall of the back of the 7/11 with his knees to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. He's shivering, violently, and Jake realizes that the thin sweater he had grabbed for him wouldnt do much. He hangs up his phone, peels his letterman jacket off, and wraps it around Rich as he kneels down beside him.

     "Hey, I brought these for you." The taller holds out the bottle of medication, and Rich takes it shakily.

     "Thanks..." Jake shifts around so his back is against the wall too, then wraps his arms around Rich tightly. Rich pops the cap off the bottle and pours two tablets into his hand, downing them stiffly. 

     They sit in silence for a while, neither really bothering to try to keep track of how long. Eventually, Jake turns to the shorter.

     "Do you...wanna talk about why you had a panic attack?"

     "Ye...yeah, yeah. I do. But, uh, can we maybe go somewhere a little warmer?" Rich laughs, and Jake pulls his phone out. 

     "Is it alright if I call Jeremy to come pick us up and rive us back to our dorm? If not, we can just walk somewhere." 

     "Its too cold out here to walk anywhere, just call him."

     "Alright, just a second," Jake dials but doesnt move from his spot. "Hey, Jeremy. Yeah, I know I'm supposed to be in class right now. Look, can you drive over to the 7/11 by the F Building and give Rich and I a ride back to our dorms? Come on man, please? God, you're a life saver, Jeremy Heere. Thanks. And please, hurry." The pair sit for about 10 minutes before they spot Jeremy's jeep pulling up.

     Jake gets up and helps Rich stand, the holds the backseat door open wide so he can climb into the car. 

     "What are you guys doing out here without thick jackets? Its like 35 degrees out!" Michael asks, handing a thick blanket back to the pair from the passenger seat.

     "I was trying to go back to the dorms after class and I had a panic attack on the way." Jeremy meets Rich's eyes in the rearview mirror and they shine with understanding. 

     "Well, no point in adding a cold onto that," Jeremy starts driving, "Let's get you crazy kids back to your room." 

     The rest of the drive is spent in silence aside from the faint Bob Marley music floating out of the radio speakers, and Rich's loud shivering. Jake looks over a few times before finally shifting closer to Rich and wrapping an arm around him in an effort to keep him warm. They spend the rest of the ride like that. 

~~~~~

_**Chapter Seven Part Two Coming Soon!!!** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I know thid was a long wait for a not very long chapter, but I have big plans! I just didnt want to keep everyone waiting even longer for the next chapter.
> 
> Theres no gc in this chapter??? What is this??? Charley ACTUALLY writing dialogue and shit??? Impossible.
> 
> I hope anyone naive enough to read this piece of shit enjoyed for some reason, and I will see you all nect chapter!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	9. Im so Sorry (Update)

Hello people who may or may not read this. Tis I, Charley aka Grave.

So. I wanted to write this update for all of you (possibly nonexistant) lovely people, explaining whats going to be happening for a while with this story and my works on here in general.

In short, I will be taking a break for writing on AO3.

Due to some very personal issues in my life at the moment, I will not be updating or posting any stories. I may read on here, but nothing will be posted. 

This hiatus (which will not be standard BBC length, I assure you) will at most be a few weeks long. I should be back to work late November/early December. 

I hope everyone understands and respects this decision, because Imma do it either way. 

Ill be seeing you in the next chapter! 

 

~ Grave <3

 


	10. Sandwiches and Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake made sandwiches. 
> 
> Rich talks about anxiety.
> 
> Juiceboxes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first post following my haitus! Although I am still working through some stuff in my life, I felt the urge to write and post something for this story again, so
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this dump of feels that I did my best to make realistic and heartbreaking. 
> 
> ~ Grave <3

* * *

* * *

     Jake pushes the door of their dorm closed behind them, both still cold from the walk to the building from the parkinglot. They had made sure to thank Michael and Jeremy profusely for the ride, and then scrambled to get inside the dorm building and into the elevator. 

      Now inside their small little home, Jake adjusts the air conditioning to 78° in an effort to warm the place up. Rich is already sat on the couch, so Jake just tosses him a comforter from the linen closet to wrap up in as Jake grabs the sandwiches he had been making before Rich had called. 

     "Ham and provolone. Just how you like it," Rich gladly snatches the food from his best friend's hand, taking a slightly overzealous bite. The taller chomps into his own turkey and chedder on whole wheat as he grabs the remote to switch on a movie. He doesnt think to hard, simply selecting something that he knows Rich enjoys but also wont distract too much from his recounting of the events that led to his anxiety attack. 

     "Ok, so. I was walking across campus from class to get here, because I was really hungry and I knew you were in the middle of your free hour before Bio. And...and as I was walking, I saw this guy, right? He was tall, kinda lanky but obviously muscular with like shoulder length dark brown hair and stubble. And he was dressed in this worn out, old suit. I knew he looked familiar, but I couldnt remember where I'd seen him. I couldnt really see his face straight on, either, so I just decided to ignore it. But Im on my way here, so I have to walk past him. And he's talking to this girl who looks a bit older than us, and they're whispering back and forth about something I can't hear, and I get closer to this guy and I realize where I knew him from.

     "It was the same guy who sold me those drugs in Freshman year that really fucked me up. And I think seeing him after so long.... After so many months of therapy and being in the hospital and taking medication.... I think it kinda of triggered my anxiety suddenly? It just.. Set in. My heart started pounding and I felt like I was getting really warm but I was  _freezing_ and I just stumbled past them while my head was reeling until I got to the 7/11 and I just collapsed down against the side of the building. 

     "And I mean,  _obviously_ when I realized what was going on I called you immediately. But... I was so  _scared_ when I saw him, Jake. And that girl...she was buying those same pills from him. _She_   _bought them and I couldnt even stop her._ I.... I couldn't...." Rich reaches up and wipes his eyes and takes another bite of his sandwich, refusing to make eyecontact with Jake. 

     The brunette places a hand gingerly on the blond's shoulder, trying to comfort him, "Hey. Its not your responsibility to stop people from buying from this guy.  _Seeing him_ causes you to have a panic attack! You don't need to protect everyone from him. What you  _can_ do is report this dude. If we get the administration - heck, maybe even the  _police_ \- involved, then the chances of people being able to buy these drugs from him skyrocket downwards. But  _you_ don't need to stop him yourself, Richie." 

     "I...I _know_ , I just- I wish seeing him didn't make me nauseous. I wish I had been angry instead of anxious.  _I wish I could've warned her_."

     "Okay. We're gonna take your mind off of this guy, alright?" Jake stands up - setting his plate down on the coffee table - and walks to the fridge. Rich hears him open it, push the contents around, and then close it again, only to return with two Capri Suns juicepouches. Rich can't stop the laugh that escapes him.

     Jake smiles at him as he sits back down and joins him under the blanket, turning the current movie off and searching for something else. 

     " _The Nightmare Before Christmas_? But you don't even like this movie, Jake.." Rich's grin is wide and childlike, and it makes Jake's heart stumble.

     "I know, but you watched  _Coraline_ with me the other day, so I figured I should return the favor." His words have an undertone of caution - they hadn't spoken about "The  _Coraline_ Incident" since it had happened, and Jake doesn't know how Rich will handle it being brought up again.

     Rich looks down at his lap, takes a deep breath, and then meets Jake's eyes. 

     "Jacob Dillinger." Rich takes another deep breath. "You are an extremely attractive male humanoid, and I am deeply fond of you. Would you be inclined to join me in the ancient ritual of courtship?" 

     Beat.

     Beat.

     Beat.

     Beat.

     There's a flicker of terror in the shorter's eyes.

     Beat.

     Beat.

     Beat.

     The movie has started by now, but neither seem to notice.

     Beat.

     Beat.

     Neither wants to break eye contact.

      _ **Beat.**_

     After a pause that's far too silent and far too long, Jake surges forwards and pushes Rich down against the couch, attacking his lips with vigor. Rich returns the energy, radiating relief at not being rejected. 

     Jake's lips taste like turkey and chedder from his sandwich and the bubblegum toothpaste he uses every morning and the caramelly tinge that is so purely  _Jake_ and he _can't get enough and they're kissing and he doesn't want to stop. He can't stop. It's too good. It's too heavenly, too perfect for him to ever even think about stopping._

     But Jake is pulling away, bringing those delectable, perfect, swollen lips out of his reach and Rich opens his eyes and he's confused. Neither say anything for while, until..

     "My full name isn't Jacob, Rich. It's Jake." Rich blinks.

     "What?"

     And then Jake is laughing his ass off and there are tears in his eyes and Rich stops thinking about how Jake is still straddling him on their dingy little couch in their livingroom at 2 in the afternoon and starts to focus on the gorgeous, full, musical laughter coming out of those extremely kissable lips. 

      Rich rolls his eyes and pushes a still laughing Jake off of him. 

      "You're the worst, and I take it back. I am not deeply fond of you. I hate you." Rich crosses his arms and he  _knows_ he's pouting but he doesn't care because right now he is fervently trying to get rid of his slowly forming boner.

     "That's too bad, really," Jake has stopped laughing, but Rich can tell from his voice that he's sporting that ridiculously attractive smirk of his and  _how dare he try to use that against me I'll fight him_. "Cause I was gonna blow you. Right after I accepted your offer of "courtship", Richington Blaine Goranski." 

     "'Blaine' isn't even close to my middle name, Jake."

     "I know. Now, do you want a blowjob or not?"

     Rich pretends to take a moment to consider, then meets Jake's eyes. 

     "I have an even better idea." And then Rich grabs Jake's hand and stands them both up and leads them to the bathroom with a smirk and Jake  _definitely likes this idea._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so thats it for this chapter! 
> 
> Its not as angsty as I originally intended but yaknow
> 
> Whatevs
> 
> It feels good to write again! Im excited! Im full of writer energy lately! 
> 
> So, expect another chapter soon, hopefully just after Thanksgiving.
> 
> Oh! And! Announcement!
> 
> This is NOT for certain yet, BUT I MAY BEGIN WORKING ON A THIAM AU
> 
> Its something Ive been dabbling with in my spare time and I kinda want to share it with yall so look forward to that in the future?
> 
> Anyway, Imma go! 
> 
> See yall in the next chapter and I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	11. Srs Bsnss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky Barnes: #srsbsnss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rich opens up.
> 
> ~~~DISCLAIMER~~~
> 
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF ADDICTION, SELF-HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ACTIONS, DEPRESSION, MENTAL DISORDERS, ANXIETY, AND OTHER SUBJECTS THAT COULD BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS. IF ANY OR ALL OF THESE THINGS WILL DISTURB YOU OR MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED. OR, PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

**Bucky Barnes** _renamed the chat_ **Serious Time** _._

 **Drama Nerd:** Rich? What's this about?

 **Aced It:** Yea man you havent been in the chat for like the past week

 **Bucky Barnes:** ok so uh

 **Bucky Barnes:** every one remembers when i mentioned buying drugs from Keanu Rreves-lookalike?

 **Boyf:** Yeah

 **And Found:** You mentioned it before when Jer had to be rescued right

 **Bucky Barnes:** yeah

 **Bucky Barnes:** but i never reallg gave any of you guys the whole story besides jakey d and i think you guys deserve to know the real Richington Arnold Goranski

 **Riends:** Ok I know this is supposed to be serious but you can not be telling me that your intials are RAG

 **Bucky Barnes:** actually my full name is Richington Wulfric Arnold Terrance Leopold Garfield Andrews Goranski the Fifth so my intials are RWATLGAGV

 **Lohst:** Why.

 **Bucky Barnes:** i have distant royal family on my dad's side but thats beside the point

 **Bucky Barnes:** i am going to spam this chat hella hard for the next like half hour but feel free to ask questions when needed 

 **Aced It:** Got it richington

 **Bucky Barnes:** so i guess i should start at the beginning

 **Bucky Barnes:** in middle school i was badly bullied. A lot.

 **Bucky Barnes:** for a lot of different reasons

 **Bucky Barnes:** but mostly for my lisp and my height and the fact that i was openly exploring my sexuality

 **Bucky Barnes:** but it got really bad in sophomore year in highschool

 **Bucky Barnes:** that was when i fully developed major depressive disorder and when my anxiety started to sky rocket exponentially

 **Bucky Barnes:** i went from panic attacks every few weeks/months to at least three or four a week 

 **Bucky Barnes:** and my suicidal thoughts started around the middle of the year

 **Bucky Barnes:** i attempted suicide six times between sophomore year and graduation

 **Bucky Barnes:** my grades suffered a lot and i went from having such excellent academic achievement in freshman year that i frequently got letters and offers from colleges and universities to barely scraping through my core classes

 **Bucky Barnes:** i developed a lot of sleep-related issues and my physical and mental health dropped even more as i went into my first year of university

 **Bucky Barnes:** i met Keanu about two months into the year

 **Bucky Barnes:** i had no friends, i was suicidal, i refused therapy, i had developed severe insomnia, my anxiety and depression were at an all-time high, and i had barely enough money being shipped in from my parents i never spoke to and my shitty part time job at a pet store

 **Bucky Barnes:** Keanu told me that the SQUIP (drugs) he was selling would improve my life 

 **Bucky Barnes:** he told me that the suicidal thoughts would stop, that my self-esteem would rise, people would like me more, id get sleep, my grades would go up, id be generally happier

 **Bucky Barnes:** and it did

 **Bucky Barnes:**  thats when i met jake and chlo and brooke and jen

 **Bucky Barnes:** you guys didnt meet acne-covered, anxious, depressed, sleep-deprived, suicidal, lisp-having, unfit Rich

 **Bucky Barnes:** you met the person i wish i had really been

 **Bucky Barnes:** the voices started in the summer between freshman and sophomore year

 **Aced It:** whatdya mean voices?

 **Bucky Barnes:** they would tell me what i did wrong every few seconds

 **Bucky Barnes:** or that people hated me but felt sorry for me so they would put up with me

 **Bucky Barnes:** or how worthless i was and that i should just kill myself

 **Bucky Barnes:** but the worst part was that they sounded like you guys

 **Bucky Barnes:** my mental disorders were back with a vengence and i started having black outs where i wouldnt remember anything for the past few hours but i would alledgedly get into fights and set fire to shit and smash windows

 **Bucky Barnes:** i smashed the windows on prof r's car but he decided not to press charges bc he thought my health was more important (and im p sure it belonged to his ex-wife or something so he didnt really care)

 **Bucky Barnes:** i tried to kill myself during one of my blackouts by setting the room i was in on fire

 **Bucky Barnes:** michael was able to help by putting the fire out, knocking me unconscious, and then driving me to the hospital

 **Bucky Barnes:** after i woke up in the hospital, he told me what had happened and i just fucking cried for hours

 **Bucky Barnes:** i stopped buying from Keanu but the effects got worse for a few months before they even got close to starting to get better

 **Bucky Barnes:** Keanu tried to corner me and get me back to buying from him at least 30 times in the first few months of being clean

 **Bucky Barnes:** i started attending therapy sessions besides my dislike of them and i am over a year clean of SQUIP

 **Bucky Barnes:** and i have 100% never been happier in my life to be alive

 **Boyf:** ok so everyone come to my dorm right now we are all going to listen to musicals and watch movies and eat pizza and drink soda and tea until either we die or Rich feels better and fully grasps how much we all adore him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I tried to make this one kinda long given the wait, but i feel like its shorter than I would like it to be.
> 
> I decided more Rich angst was appropriate, but I also threw in rich's "real name" as a little bit of humor among the sadness and tears.
> 
> Also, very serious disclaimer: if you or anyoen you know experiences suicidal thoughts or actions, please know that there are hundreds of hotline you can call or even message online full of people who genuinely care about and want to help you. 
> 
> I myself have dealt with these things as well as countless people in my life. I hope that none of you have to experience that. 
> 
> Mental disorders are a grave and serious topic, but they have an unfortunately large presence in the world. Proper diagnosis and treatment of these disorders is ESSENTIAL. 
> 
> If you or anyone you know suspects that you/they suffer from ANY mental disorders of ANY kind, please visit a certified professional for their opinion and diagnosis. 
> 
> Please stay safe!!!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	12. Rich Gets Cuddles And They Throw A Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich gets viciously cuddled.
> 
> Pizzas are eaten.
> 
> Uno is played.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello!!!
> 
> Yes, I know, this chapter took WAY TOO LONG. 
> 
> I dont know why, but I hit a bit of a block with this story for a while, but I managed to wrap this chapter up for yall!!!!
> 
> I hope anyone who reads this enjoys.
> 
> ~ Grave <3

     "Guys, I just want you all to know that I really appreciate how supportive and kind you all are to me, even when I act a bit like a dick." Rich wipes away the few straggling tears from his reddened eyes, sniffling quietly. Jake rubs his shoulders soothingly from where he is with Rich leaning on his chest, humming very softly. 

     "Rich, of course we're going to support you. You're an amazing person and honestly hilarious and I dont think we could ever do without you." Christine assures him, turning to smile up at him from her place criss-crossed on the floor in front of the couch beside Jeremy and Michael. Jenna makes a vague grunt of aggreement from where she is huddled up at his and Jake's feet at the other end of the couch. 

     "Yeah, Richie. You're like, one of the nicest, most genuine, funnest people I've ever met." Chloe adds, cuddling closer to Brooke on the love seat.

     "Everyone knows about my, you know, anxiety too, so I'm always so glad that I have you to talk to about that sort of thing, Rich. Its...nice. I probably would be in a much worse place, mentally, without you." Rich smiles sadly at Michael, watching as Jeremy pulls his boyfriend closer to his side. 

     "Guys... Thank you all so much. I really...I really needed this today." Jake squeezes his shoulders lightly, and the silence prolongs for a moment before Jeremy decides to break it.

     "Alright, now! Let's get this party really  _started_!" Jeremy walks over to the speakers he and Michael have sprawled out across their entire counter, and plugs his phone into one as Chloe and Brooke get up to order food and Michael, Christine, and Jenna force Jake and Rich to stand. 

      _"Hey Elle, hes a lucky guy, Im like, gonna cry,"_

     A large grin breaks out on Rich's face as he recognizes the song and everyone starts to sing along, loudly and off-key. Chloe and Brooke rejoin them in the livingroom, and they all dance and sing.

     Michael and Christine dance together goofily while trying to sing between bursts of laughter. Rich and Jenna do the robot terribly together, while Jake and Brooke tango over-dramtically, and Jeremy and Chloe try to out-do them with their Waltz. 

     As the soundtrack of  _Legally Blonde: The Musical_ continues through, Jenna starts to pull party games out of the hall closet and the entertainment unit, while Chloe, Jake, and Jeremy push the couch, loveseat, and chairs against the walls to make room on the floor.

     "Rich, you guys have Cranium?!" Michael waves Rich over from the kitchen with Christine and Brooke to where Jenna and Michael were sat crossed-legged on the ground by the entertainment unit. 

     "Dude, of course. Its a great game."

     "Forget Cranium!" Jenna shoves Michael so hard he hits the ground. "These bitches have  _Uno!_ This is what we're playing, hands down."

     "Uno?  _Really?_ What are we, six?" Chloe teases, joining the two on the floor.

     "Uno is a  _great game_ and if you can't appreciate it then you need to _leave_." She rolls her eyes at Rich but relents, joining Michael and Jenna as they scoot along the floor to the middle of the livingroom, being joined by the others. 

     Times flies as the group play games, enjoy pizzas, cheezy bread, and juice boxes, and Rich doesn't say it out loud, but for the first time in a long while, he's  _content_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats a wrap for this chapter!
> 
> I know its not quite long enough considering the wait yall had to endure, but I felt like I had found a good place to end it for now, and I didnt want to keep yall waiting TOO much longer.
> 
> Hope anyone who read this enjoyed!
> 
> See you in the next chapter!!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


	13. Marina Lambrini Diamandis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy is straight and Jake is supportive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this?!
> 
> A Wild Update has appeared!
> 
> (And its not eight years after my last one.)
> 
> Yes, I decided yall deserved another Update right after my last one because of how patient you were while waiting nineteen years for the last one. It's not too long, but its more lighthearted and I think its a nice change from my apparent pattern with the last ones of Rich being Generally Upset.
> 
> Anyway, I hope yall enjoy!!
> 
> ~ Grave <3

**Boyf:** Im straight for Marina Lambrini Diamandis 

**Lohst:** Youre bi

**Boyf:** Yea but im straight for Marina Lambrini Diamandis

**Steve Rogers:** Whos Marina Lambrini Diamandis

**Riends:** WHOOPS THATS THE WRONG THING TO SAY

**Boyf:** BITCH

**Boyf:** MARINA LAMBRINI DIAMANDIS AS IN MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

**Boyf:** SHES AN AMAZING ARTIST AND PERSON AND HER ALBUM ELECTRA HEART SHOULD BE PLAYED AT MY FUNERAL

**Steve Rogers:** OH MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

**Steve Rogers:** I LOVE MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

**Steve Rogers:** I just didn't know her name was Marina Lambrini Diamandis

**Boyf:** That is UNACCEPTABLE

~~~~~~~~

**Aced It:** Hey who wants to go see a movie tonight

**And Found:** Oooo yes

**Lohst:** What movie?

**Aced It:** Theres an old theatre showing an The Addams Family marathon tonight and the tickets are only like 1.50 a piece

**Riends:** I am ALWAYS down for the Addams family

**Riends:** Jer said hes comin too

**Drama Nerd:** Jake, are you and Rich interested in coming with us tonight?

**Lohst:** Yea man we can get food after too

**Riends:** OOO lets go to that new diner downtown 

**Steve Rogers:** Sorry guys but Richie and I are gonna have to bail 

**Aced It:** Aww

**Lohst:** Whats up?

**Bucky Barnes:** jakey d is accompanying me to my therapy session this week

**Boyf:** I thought youve been going to therapy on Mondays and Wednesdays?

**Bucky Barnes:** i usually do but my therapist is moving to an office outta town and my choices were to either only go once every month or so, or transfer over to his replacement

**Bucky Barnes:** and jakey d offered to join me on my first few weeks of appointments with the new guy until i feel comfortable enough to go on my own

**Drama Nerd:**  Well, let us know when you're wrapping up and we can pick you both up to take you for food!

**Lohst:** Yea!!

**Bucky Barnes:** aw thanks fuckos

**Boyf:** Anddd hes back

**Steve Rogers:** Seriously tho if yall wanna bring us food after we wont stop you

**Aced It:** yall

**Riends:** yall

**Steve Rogers:** Guys

**Lohst:** yall

**Drama Nerd:** yall

**Boyf:** yall

**Steve Rogers:** Chris not you too

**And Found:** yall

**Steve Rogers:** This is cyber bullying

**Bucky Barnes:** y a l l

**Steve Rogers:** RICHARD HOW DARE YOU 

**Aced It:** Top 10 Anime Betrayals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! 
> 
> Its a bit short but I felt pretty inspired about this new one.
> 
> I wonder, can you tell Im in love with Marina Lambrini Diamandis? I was pretty subtle.
> 
> Hope yall enjoyed this update, I'll try to get the next one up soon!!
> 
> ~ Grave <3


End file.
